Robert's Birth + Postpartum
Robert Daniel Farris, III arrived on December 12, 2020, and we are so in love with this precious gift from the Lord!
I wanted to write down all the details of Robert’s birth so I would never forget it. I also wanted to write this so I could possibly help other new mother's like me as they embark on the greatest journey ever.
Here’s our story.
I was due on December 16th, but Robert was looking big and healthy, so I was induced at 39.3 weeks (12/12/20). The day before I got induced felt like Christmas Eve, and we were so excited.
For weeks I had been thinking about what my last meal would be before I delivered, and the funny thing is that neither of us had appetites the night before because we were so nervous. We ended up eating Annie’s boxed macaroni and cheese and pb&j’s (which we never do). I barely slept that night. Daniel slept like a baby (that has been sleep trained HA).
We went in the next morning at 5am and they started my pitocin at 6:24am. I was 3cm dilated at that point. We were so fortunate that our hospital allowed visitors, and my family came to keep us company that day. My doctor came in a few hours later and offered me an epidural, which I gladly accepted. I have to say that the epidural might have been the greatest part of the day besides meeting our precious baby, of course. I was able to enjoy the day without being in pain, and it was wonderful.
My doctor broke my water at 11:45am and I was 4cm at that point. I asked for a peanut ball, which one of my friends told me helped progress labor. It worked! After trying the peanut ball for a while, my nurse put me in the “throne position” and that was when I started feeling LOTS of pressure. I told her that I felt the urge to push, and my doctor came in and said it was go time! I coudln’t believe it…
I pushed for about 30-4o minutes, and Robert came into this world at 5:45pm. He had a head full of blonde hair and our life was changed forever.
Labor and delivery was so much fun for me, and I kept saying I wanted to do it again! We had the greatest nurses, and it was overall such a wonderful experience. Pregnancy and childbirth is such a miracle, and God is SO good.
Then came postpartum….
I had a pretty bad tear and lost a lot of blood, so when the nurse made me stand up to walk to the restroom that night, I passed out, and the next thing I knew, 5 nurses were rushing towards me. It was a pretty scary experience, and poor Daniel thought I was dying. They finally moved us to another room that night, and that was the beginning of a pretty difficult recovery.
I wouldn’t have survived those first few days without Daniel. He did everything from change the baby, swaddle the baby, help me to the bathroom, change my underwear and pads, and so much more. When we got home, he constantly served us and truly lived out the vows, “for better or for worse, in sickness and in health.” I also couldn’t have survived without my mom and sister. They brought me every single meal in bed, and made sure we had everything we needed.
I was a complete mess that first week. I cried because I was in so much pain. I cried because I hate asking for help, but physically couldn't do things. I cried because I was so in love with Robert that it hurt. I cried because my milk came in and OUCH. I cried when my mom and sister left. I cried because Daniel was so selfless. He is our rock that holds this family together, and I am so incredibly grateful for him.
I was totally unprepared for the physical pain and for my hormones to be ALL over the place.
Two weeks postpartum was a major turning point for me. My pain was better and I wasn’t crying every second of the day. I remember having a meal downstairs with Daniel and Robert, and it was our first sense of normalcy. It was at that meal where I thought we actually might survive.
Breastfeeding has been so much more challenging than I thought. I thought you just put the baby to the breast and let them do their thing. I was so wrong. Breastfeeding is a full-time job, and it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. When I read the benefits of breastmilk, it encourages me to keep going, and my goal is to make it one year. My sister, Jessica, breastfed her son for one year while working full-time as a neurology resident, and she has been such an encouragement to me. I'm also a part of a Facebook group called, “Mom’s Best-For Breastfeeding”, and it’s such great support group!
Robert had bad reflux those first few weeks, and I realized my milk was literally shooting in his mouth and he was choking. I tried laid back nursing and shooting my milk in a burp cloth or using the Haaka, but Robert and I were both getting frustrated. He would pull off and scream, and it was so difficult. I started pumping when he turned 1 month, and it has been so great for both of us. He LOVES a bottle!
Everyone has such a different breastfeeding journey, and you have to do what is best for you and your baby. Whether that’s exclusively breastfeeding, exclusively pumping, a combination of the two, or formula. They are all wonderful!
I bought the Taking Cara Babies Newborn Class, and it has been so helpful! It’s a more gentle approach to sleep which I really love. Cara shares so many great tips that I use every day. I’ve also been loosely following the Mom’s on Call schedule. We are 6 weeks in now, and I feel like we're finally getting the hang of things!
Postpartum Q&A:
What do you wish you had known about labor and delivery?
I wish I had known that it was going to be fun!! I was a nervous wreck before.
I had no idea about labor shakes, and I had them pretty bad. I was just constantly shaking and couldn’t stop!
The epidural wasn’t bad at all. I was very nervous for this.
Pushing was a lot calmer than I imagined thanks to my epidural. It wasn’t like the movies!
What do you wish you had known about postpartum?
I’m not sure I WISH I had known this before, but I was shocked at how painful it was. Ice packs and pain meds are your friend… I also had no idea it would be so emotionally draining.
It took me around 4 weeks to really heal and stop bleeding.
Lots of people told me that the first shower at the hospital was the greatest shower of your life. That was NOT the case for me. I was hunched over in pain, dripping blood, and so weak. The best shower of my life was the day I started feeling better and could actually enjoy it, about a week later.
What’s your daily schedule?
We had no schedule for the first 3 weeks, and we were just trying to survive. At this point (6 weeks), we are loosely following the Mom’s on Call Schedule, and we give Robert a bath every night at the same time, give him his bottle, pray with him, and then put him down for the night. He has been waking up in the middle of the night around 2:30am or so, and then again around 5am.
Daniel usually takes him in the morning, and Robert lays on his chest and they both doze off. It’s the sweetest thing ever. Daniel leaves for work, and our day basically revolves around feeding. He eats every 3 hours and we love going on walks every afternoon if the weather is nice. We are more than ready for daddy to get home at the end of the day, and he misses Robert so much when he’s at work. Bath time is definitely our favorite part of the night because Robert LOVES it, and it always calms him down.
Ways to take care of yourself?
Ask for and accept help. We are not meant to do this alone. While you’re healing, let someone else take care of the baby while you take care of yourself in between feedings. You can’t take care of someone else if you aren’t taking care of yourself.
Say no to visitors if it’s too much for you. A friend of mine and I were talking about this the other day, and visitors can really wear you out during those first few weeks. It’s OK to say no.
How is breastfeeding?
It was SO hard at first but has gotten so much easier! There were lots of tears at first. I’ve been using the Hatch Baby app to track feedings, and I love it!
I started pumping when Robert turned 1 month because I wanted him to be able to take a bottle, and I have loved it. I pump during the day and nurse him in the middle of the night. I have the Spectra S1 pump.
Were you anxious when you got home?
Oh my goodness, YES. I was so anxious about Robert sleeping, and I could barely sleep the first few nights that we were home. I was scared I wouldn’t wake up to feed him so I set 100 alarms. I was scared that he was going to suffocate in his swaddle. I was a wreck. I still pray every night that God will protect Robert and give me peace. It’s gotten so much better!
Best gift to give a new mom?
I had two friends who are also mommas come by that first week and dropped off nipple cream, nipple pads, wine, coffee, and other self-care items. They knew the pain I was in, and they told me it was going to get better. They didn’t ask to come in and hold the baby. They told me it was ok to not be ok, and that helped me so much. I was not up for visitors that first week, so for me, the best gift was when someone understood that and just dropped something off on my porch!
Must haves that first week?
Ice pack pads (I was very swollen)
Peri bottle (I used the one the hospital gave me)
Nipple butter-I had a wonderful lactation consultant who told me to use this one over Lanolin because it was more healing. It has been wonderful, and I’m already on my second jar.
Disposable nursing pads (great for when my milk came in and I was leaking everywhere)
Water-It’s so important to stay hydrated while breastfeeding
Snacks-I kept healthy snacks by my rocking chair so I could have something to grab while nursing
HELP-You absolutely can’t and shouldn’t do it alone. You have to take care of yourself in order to take care of someone else, and my family helped me do just that. My mom and sister, Sarah, stayed that first week to help, and it was such a blessing!
Tips for the first few days?
Don’t overdue it. The minute I started feeling a littleee bit better, I wanted to start doing things, and it definitely set me back. Give your body plenty of time to heal.
Do Sitz baths if you tear.
Drink lots of water and eat nourishing food!
Top baby products you used in the first few weeks?
Paci (we’re big fans)
Sound machines: We use the Hatch sound machine in his room, and these portable ones on his stroller and car seat.
I couldn’t love this sweet baby any more! Thank you Jesus for this gift.
“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.” James 1:17